Thursday, December 31, 2009

New post- new year...almost

OK. So I was right. I suck at posting! It's only been over 5 months since my last post! So... new year , ne goals, and hopefully new posts.
Update in short....Jake did come to live with us full time in August- no custody fight. She realized it was futile. Big blessing! We moved to a new house September first and we are enjoying our new neighbors and new ward here. I finished my first semester of college...yes I lived through it! I still suck at math and still have 3 more semesters of it but I will get through it! Lost my grandma Evans the last week of August and lost my grandma Anderson the first week of December. Alot of ups and downs. Looking forward to 2010 and some good changes.
Planning to join my sister and hubby on a plan to get in shape and healthy. I'm so done being unhappy with my weight and how I feel about my appearence!
Some changes with the family and our foundation. Our son Danny left Tuesday the 29th for basic training in the Army. Our son Blake is signing his papers for the Airforce next week. Very mixed feelings about this. I am so proud of them but not happy about the way things are right now- or WHO is in charge of what happens to my boys, where they go and whether they will be safe. I don't have a very good feeling about it. It sucks when your kids grow up and you have to sit back and watch them make thier own decisions!
Blake will be stepping down as president of the Four of Hearts foundation and I don't think we will replace him. The foundation will continue to raise money and make plans to help children in Guatemala and locally in the coming year, we will be working with an orphanage near Lake Atitklan in Gutemala as well as the nearby villages and the children there. We will alos plan to do as we did this year and sponsor families locally for Christmas. I will be spending meore time planning stuff and trying to get things done but I hope all of the boys stay enthusiastic about it and continue to work hard.
I will try to keep up to date on this blog and my other goals this coming year and look forward to sharing the adventures to come!
Happy New Year!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

WHAT!!

Today has been the most crazy day- i am just glad to take a percocet and lay down at this point! This morning Dave and I met with our old attorney because his son Jake wants to come live with us full time mow- he is 15 1/2. So after and hour and a half - here's the deal. He can do what he wants BUT to change custody we have to file a petition with the court and at the very least go through mediation- IF his mother doesn't think she is going to fight it try to take us to court- which if her attorney is smart - he will tell her there is NO WAY she can win.
So we basically left his office with this info: Jake can tell his mom he wants to live with us full time now- at the same time we serve her with papers to change custody- which we figured out with the attorney. It won't be "final" for at least 6-8 months- maybe Christmas- hopefully we can file for temporary custody at the same time so he can start school here this fall. All of this starts with a $1600 retainer and $75 a month for any additional fees. If she doesn't fight it- he figures we are looking at about $2000. Right now it may as well be a million.

THEN- on the way home we get a call from the property management company, saying the owner of the house we are renting wants us to rent-to-own, raise our rent $100 a month, and sell in the next 2 years to us. Otherwise she wants to find someone else who WILL do this ASAP. WHAT?!!!!!! We have a one year lease until the end of Sept. with the option to sign another year- so this changes everything- she can't make us move until the one year lease we signed up BUT chances are if we don't do this we will have to move out about 12 weeks! I think I willgo throw up now- this day sucks!!

Praying it will all work itself out! All we need is a raise or a second job! :) Right.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Facing Changes - AGAIN

It seems life is always throwing a wrench into my plans. Every time I figure things out, something happens to change things! So my plan was to return to school this summer and start to work on my degree in Ultrasound. Then in April I started having pain and numbness in my left arm. I went in for an MRI and have a herniated disc that is impinging the nerve which pretty much made my arm useless. After seeing a surgeon who wanted to fuse my neck, and freaking out for a few days, I started therapy at Integrated Wellness. Within a few visits my arm and neck were great, I was so happy and finally getting off pain meds so I thought - Wow, I really need to exercise so I am not the "fat mom" at my sons wedding in July! (Yes my baby is getting married! Another story that I will post about later!) So I decide to ride my incumbent bike- but someone had pushed the seat back so I couldn't reach the peddles! SO, I tried to push the seat forward and felt a pop in my low back- CRAP!!! Back to the ER, another MRI, this time I tore 3 discs in my lower back! Are you kidding me?!!!! Who does stuff like this? Me.
So here we are July 8th, after 2 trips into the doctor for injections, about 170 percocet and 90 Valium, days on end in bed and countless visits to therapy, I can FINALLY move- without having pain all the time! I still have to rest and not overdo ( Not an easy task when I am home alone with a 2 year old all the time!) and work on getting better. School was put off until fall- I hope that I can start then. Now I just have to get off the pain meds, get stronger, and get on with it! I am sure however, that life will throw something else at me in the mean time and I will be rearranging my plans AGAIN- but I look forward to the months ahead and feeling better! My 2 year old has now learned what every VHS Disney movie is, without the box, how to run the VCR, including fast forwarding through the previews! I feel like a terrible mommy to her right now and can't wait to get back on the floor and play with her! Life happens I guess - one day at a time.

My sister

Well, I was right. I suck at blogging! Oh well- one of these days I will get it! I have been following my sisters blogs and really enjoy it. We talk almost every day and yet as I read her blogs I still get insight into her feelings- I think she is an amazing person and love her so much! When we were young I never thought we would be close- she is 3 years older and I was just the pest little sister, then she was gone and I went through the tough teen stuff alone. Then she was REALLY gone when they moved to the other side of the country for 14 years!
We got to see each other about once a year and I went to see her wherever she was when I had a new baby to show off! I admired her from afar for a long time, I longed to be like her, from the time I was little. She is an exceptional pianist, (I never could do it!), she is beautiful on the outside as well as on the inside, she is compassionate, loving, a wonderful mom, a hard worker and the best friend. When her husband landed a job in Salt Lake I ws so excited- it was hard to believe she was finally coming home! I couldn't wait to begin a new adventure with her!
She is the voice of reason when I need someone to figure things out for me, the first I called when my son was diagnosed with diabetes, the first person I told about my pending divorce, the first one I told about this great guy I was friends with who is now my wonderful husband, the first person I call when my life is crazy, my mind can't wrap itself around why we are struggling, the first one I told about our adoption plans, the first one I talk to when my kids break my heart and I don't really think being a mom was a good idea to begin with! She is the first to come to my defence and set me straight when I am wrong- though always in a loving way! She is my sister, but she is also my best friend.

This last year when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, I felt like my insides were torn out. WHY HER? I had lost my sweet sister-in-law after watching her fight it for almost 10 years just a year before. This is NOT happening I thought. NOT POSSIBLE. NOT KARA. The pain I felt was so intense I could hardly stand it. I cried for days, but on the outside I tried to be strong for her. I held her when she cried and told her everything would be fine. I tried to tell myself the same thing too. When she went in for her mastectomies- I sat at home waiting for a call to tell me she was out of surgery- I cried for hours- when my mom called I was relieved, yet so heart broken it was all I could do to get in the car and drive to the hospital to see her. Her husband Rick was in the hall and I asked how she was, as the nurse was checking her we waited. A man of few words- I could see the worry in his eyes, could tell his heart was breaking and he was in so much pain- he said "She's doing OK, and thanked me for coming". He treated her with such tenderness and love, I knew how much he truly loves her. I don't know if she even remembers me being there when she woke up a little- I tried to help him make her comfortable, adjust the ice on her chest, pull up her blanket, hold her hand, all things that seemed so useless to me. I cried all the way home.
The next few months I watched this amazing person go through so much it was hard bear. One of the hardest things I have ever done is cut off her beautiful hair and shave her head when the chemo started to make her hair fall out. I stood there, as her husband and boys watched and felt so humbled. Afterward I hugged her and told her she was beautiful. Again my heart was breaking. Again I asked God WHY?!!! Then the appointments to the plastic surgeon started. I tried to go to every one with her. I missed a couple and that was hard. Her Dr. was so nice and as we sat in these visits I tried to make her laugh- though she was the one making me laugh most of the time! Her Dr. really believes we are crazy I think! So every appointment I would stand by the side of the bed and hold her hand while he stuck this HUGE needle into both sides of her chest and filled the expander's to stretch the muscles for her reconstructive surgery. I know how much Kara HATES any needles, and she was so brave, she just held on and got through it every time. The pain was so intense, especially toward the end she could hardly put her arms down at her sides. I ached for her so much, I wished it was me and not her, I wished I could take it away from her. The last couple of months I have seen her go through her reconstructive surgery, and now is preparing for her second one. The disappointment in her eyes and her voice at the results, the knowing she will never feel "normal" again, it all puts everything into perspective.

As her hair grows back in, and she has a smile on her face more often, she is becoming the "old" Kara again. Her laugh is contagious and I love being around her. We had a blast driving to Arizona to see our grandma together- as usual we got lost- several times- because we talk so much we miss exits and take wrong roads! But the memories are awesome. I wish we could do it more often. I know that like many of our lives, hers is changing everyday. It is hard to see her struggle, her body has changed, she looks a little tired, she moves a bit slower sometimes, but this will all get better with time. She is still the same vibrant, beautiful, funny, intelligent, sister I know! I just want her to know how proud I am of her, she is my inspiration, she is my hero, if she can get through all of this, I can face anything that is thrown at me. And I thank God everyday that she is still here with me to help be do that. Kara, I love you so much, you are truly a blessing in my life. Thank you for being you! Kris

Friday, April 3, 2009

Can I figure this out? Gotta' have faith!

Today I am trying to figure out my life. OK that is very broad I guess! It all makes since when I think about "in 5 years" but getting there is the problem!
So, most people don't think about "if I'm alone can I raise this child?" but after being a single mom of 3 boys I find myself thinking about that lately! My boys are not the issue for me so much now, one is getting married in July and already on his own, one is 17 and the other is 15, AND they have thier dad if I did find myself alone again to help out- BUT now I have this beautiful 2 year old little girl I am resposible for for the next 18 years and it scares the heck out of me some days! Dave is almost 9 years older then me! What brings these thoughts on? Well..... a couple days ago my hubby got hit in our suburban by a snowplow of all things! He is fine- the truck is not- but that is not important!- the thing is I realized as I thought about it, how fragile life is- how fast he "could have" been taken from us and thought- what in the world would I do? I have also been facing the mortallity issue as I have watched his brother who is 45, these last few months dealing with heart problems- facing open heart surgery in the near future. That scares me to death! So, yes I am scared that I will be alone one day raising Ellie by myself- and not able to make it! I haven't worked out of my home much -except for a couple part time jobs here and there since Dave and I got married- I am very lucky to have been able to stay home with our kids all these years and be a mom! Now I feel like I need a plan- and fast! I think this whole economy thing has me in a funk!
I sat down to do the bills today- well looking at them- not enough to pay them right now! I decided that money sucks! Wouldn't it be great if we didn't have to pay so much for every little thing?! I paid off all of our credit cards in Feb. with our tax return- get out of debt- it has been drilled into our heads for years! NOW I wish I had stuck that money in the bank for when things are tight! STo top the pile of bills off, someone charged something using one of my cards and then sent our info onto several other "partner" businesses over the last 6 weeks! When I got our statement and opened it today- I was expecting a $0 balance- instead it said we owe $160! 13 different charges! Ok maybe that doesn't seem like alot to most people, but to me it is a big deal! I spent over 2 hours making phone calls and disputing the charges and something really ironic was that one of the charges came from a "stop fraud" company and another came from a "identity theft protection" company! ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? After 2 hours of arguments I finally talked to a guy in the credit card theft section and they are crediting my account and going after the company (ies)! What a nightmare! No more credit card - I cancelled them both and closed the accounts! That sucks since we are very limited in an emergency now!
The second part of my day has been focusing on school and getting stuff done to register for summer simester. When you get a grant on your student account you say WAHOOOO! Until you realize that it is only covering about half of yout tuition! So now you have to get a student loan to cover the rest and your books too! Now the stress hits! After going through our finances this morning, I can't stomach the thought of another loan! But there is no other way! I want to go to school, I know I am doing the right thing, I have a plan! But this loan thing is smaking me in the face!
So here is the plan- I get the stupid loans, putting my current student loans in differment for the next 5 years (unless I get rich and can pay them off while going to school!) This means we have an extra $100 a month to put toward Dave's RN student loans for the next 5 years! Yea, I guess! When I graduate with my BS in MRI/CT in, oh- lets be optimistic and say 5 years, Ellie will be in Elementary school full time and I can head off to work! At that point Dave's youngest son Adam will be 18 and we are DONE with child support payments! WAHOOO! SO, Dave's income will be almost $1000 more a month then, plus any raises and I will start out making some pretty good money. His income will provide for us and mine will pay off my student loans- hopefully that wont take more then a year! 5 years after I graduate, Dave will get full retirement from the state prison, he can retire and still work part time at one of the hospitals and I can work full or part time at that point. We are going to be fine! In 5 years!!! Like I said it is just getting to that 5 year mark in one piece that stresses me out! Starting school again is exciting but very scary!
I am just worried I wont be able to swing it with Ellie and my grandbaby Cambria and any others that come along in the next 5 years, needing grandma's help! I will not turn them down- ever- that's what a mom/grandma is for! I know I will have lots of help from Dave and the kids- they are all pretty excited too and think it is "cool" that I am going back to school- I hope I am just setting a good example for them! They are amazing and I know they will help and support me! So, I guess it all comes down to FAITH! Can I do this? I have faith that I can! Can I finish and be successful and take care of me and Ellie if anything did happen to Dave? I have faith that I can! Can I mentally and physically handle the stress? I have faith that I can! Will my faith falter? ABSOLUTELY!! Most likely daily, if not, then at least on days like today when I sit down to do the bills!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

My first post!

Ok, so my dear sister Kara is a blog addict I swear! She has now convinced me to do something with this blog I started and have never posted on! We will see if there is anyone out there who really cares about what I have to say! :}
My goal is to share some fun things about our family and the moments in our lives. We have a crazy life with 9 kids and most of the time we love it! There are however days I wake up and open my eyes and think, "Not this AGAIN!" Don't get me wrong here, LOVE my hubby, he is my best friend and soulmate, and LOVE my kids, they are hillarious and fun (even if 5 of them have teenageritis!) But there are days I long to not have to take kids to the bus, do tons of laundry (thank heaven for my HE front loaders!) cook, clean, change diapers (yes we are doing that again!), schedule my life around nap times, and go to bed knowing tomorrow is more of the same! I would love to wake up and exercise (BAHAHAHA!) shower for 15 min. (BAHAHAHA!) and spend my day on the computer catching up with friends, or reading a good book, go shopping if I want, decorate my house, paint, garden, or take a long nap! These are the things I squeeze into my life right now when I have a few mintues here or there! Mostly at nap time or late at night- which I really pay for the following day! How I will do this school thing is going to be interesting- but I am determined!
I am really excited to start school in May at Weber State. I will be taking online courses for about 18 mo. then I will will start the radiology program on campus once a week and clinicals at a local hospital. I plan to go on after my 2 year Associates of Science Radiology and get my BS in MRI/CT. My husband is an RN and my daughter is an LPN working on her RN. Lets face it with the economy the way it is about the only thing you can count on is people will always need medical, so that is where I am focusing. It will be interesting and fun I think. Some people are questioning me about going back at my age (the big dreadred 40 on June 2nd!), but I figure I will be 45 anyway- I may as well have a degree that will give me a good job for the next 20 years then work at a craft store for $7 and hour! 20 years- wow that's depressing! LOL! So I will make it work, even if I have to take some of the things I do squeeze in away for a while!
My dear sweet hubby has the day off today- love his schedule, though we miss him when he works 12 hour shifts for 5 days straight and he is exhausted- we love the 5 days he has off and is home with us alot! I hear him in the kitchen trying to figure out what our 2 year old Ellie is telling him she wants to eat! I better go figure it out for him before they both starve!
Have a great day!

Our wedding - April 13, 2001

Our wedding - April 13, 2001
A new begining

Our family in the beginning

Our family in the beginning

Our family- February '07

Our family- February '07
Our Eternal Family

Our Princess Ellie

Our Princess Ellie

Our grandbaby Cambria

Our grandbaby Cambria